Would-Be polys write us regularly at the World Polyamory Association with questions about how to attract the additional man, woman or couple to co-create their ideal polyamous life.

Here's the secret: all you need do is APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'VE GOT... don't suffer for what you think you lack.

For pairs seeking a third wheeeee!...ll, or to create moresome...  the key is to appreciate and celebrate those with whom you are already in relationship. This is what will attract candidates for your triad or pod. Bask in the joy of serving and sharing with the lovers you do have. No better reference check than happy in love with each other!

Your potential new lovers, just by observing you, get how uplifted you are in the relationship(s) you already have. And the right potential poly newbies will want some of that appreciative attention for themselves too.

For individuals, appreciating yourself–enjoying your life, accepting the dance of your inner selves, celebrating your blessings from moment to moment--makes you the kind of person potential lovers seek. You need not, whether you be a single, dyad, triad, pod or network, detract from your joy from lack. You already have everything you need in relationships to completely enjoy yourself in every way. And you welcome further relationship abundance.

In Living Love terms: Uplevel your addiction to someone not yet in your lovergroup to a preference for, but not a suffering-causing addiction to someone who is not here for you now. Celebrate who is actually there, even if it's just you. Then if others join you, you have cornucopia, more than you needed, because you already have what you need and anything more is also joyously accepted. If you are addicted to finding others for your lovers, then celebrate your addiction too.

Being Poly. Dr. Sasha and Janet Lessin, Co-Chairs of the Sept 11-13 Harbin Hot Springs (CA) World Polyamory Conference present Cultivate Compersion, a learning experiment on appreciating the love that's always there when you open to it.