As the "healer" in a sexual healing session, I've found that the central question is: "What applied principles enable the client to have a healing experience and not reinforce or reignite the wounding he/she is endeavoring to recover from?" Here are my thoughts and reflections about the answer.
First, one fundamental understanding for clarity: The client is choosing to have a healing session with the healer because he/she has an expectation/desire to receive a healing experience and is not doing so to meet the healer's sexual, relationship, or intimacy needs. If a healer feels the client is coming to the healer to fulfill the healer's personal needs there is a fundamental flaw present in the session. A healer serves as such for the benefit, growth, integration, fulfillment, healthful well-being of others -it is transpersonal service -not to serve the healer's personal needs. While a healer experiences great satisfaction in being of service and may also benefit from solutions turned up during the session for the client -these are secondary to the prime directive of serving another.
With that in mind, here are three principles I feel are fundamental to serving as a Healer.
1. Get your Ego out of the way of Spirit revealing, moving, leading the session.
The Ego, the part that reacts to input with snap judgments that are more about making one "look good" as a healer, teacher, etc. than being sourced from grounded effectual solutions. Setting aside the Ego's inflated idea of "performing" or acting the part of a healer enables Spirit to flow more readily allowing the right alchemical mixture of esoteric - exoteric engagement to prosper during the session.
What is closely related to this principle (and perhaps should preface it) is another one that says: "Healer, heal thyself." This statement not only refers to "walking your talk" but also indicates a healer should have his/her psychological-emotional "baggage" worked out or well understood, so as to avoid unconsciously triggering buttons that will negatively impact the client during the healing session.
This subject of a healer's personal baggage effecting the healing session has been a great concern of mine due to the many sessions I've had with sexual healers as clients who have expressed their deep issues and concerns to be exactly what their clients are bringing to them! These include past abuse wounds not "healed" or integrated in addition to relationship, sex, and intimacy issues they are struggling with -which are the very aspects their clients are asking them to model and help them heal! The healer's inability to process and integrate their own baggage in these areas can only lessen the effectiveness of the sessions they provide. The client, on some level, will likely sense the lack of sincerity or effectiveness emanating from the healer. I believe whatever a healer doesn't have integrated or understood concerning their own "shadow" of psychological-emotional baggage -he/she unconsciously brings into a session with a client. I'm not suggesting a healer should be perfect or an enlightened saint of some kind in this regard, however he/she should be adept with alert functioning and conscious management vis-a-vis their baggage to be able to keep it from impacting the session in a negative way for the client.
I highly recommend Daka/ Dakini Salons or Healing Circles where healers show up for each other in an ongoing practice to hold space and provide healing sessions for each other to aid with integrating past wounding and releasing current manifestations of shadow impacts. (if you would like guidance in setting one up please contact me).
2. Show Up as an adept facilitator, mediator, and collaborator with Spirit.
As a Healer (without reinstating Ego as "know-it-all" or "Guru") recognize Spirit's leading, and in service to that leading bring to bear all of your: talent, insight, intuition, knowledge, wisdom, and experience in a measured response that care-fully considers the client's contemporaneous experience, psychological-emotional clarity and edge. The healer is not the source of the healing, not a prescription author or remedy originator, rather, he/she is simply a channel or facilitator for "higher" divine: energy, knowledge, love, support and comfort to be passed through to the client receiving the healing session. As Healer, be the funnel for the divine's outworking -as such you will be inspired with what to say, do, or not do, that benefits your client. By keeping this intention, perspective, motivation, a healer can show up and be the instrument of the divine, rather than the Ego-centric Ring-leader or "front-person" performing as such for an audience of one -the client- who will suffer for the lack of a sincere healing experience.
Time and time again I am impressed with how much simple Presence contributes to sessions. I've had Ph'd and top Tantrikas as clients that I vigorously prepared for -only to experience how little is actually needed "to know something" or have some amazing practice to share! It invariably turns out that its not what you know but how much you can "show up and get out of the way" and allow Spirit to do the leading that increases the effectiveness of the session.
How Spirit leads a session: I believe that healers have their own well of experience, talent, and knowledge which is filled by the personal study, meditation, Spiritual practice, and education enrichment each healer does for his/her self. That well is later "drawn from" during a session -but not in the way commonly understood in our culture i.e. answering questions on an exam or performing for a panel of judges. What comes out during an effective and healthful healing session is not guided by Ego or the conscious personality in service of feeling superior, "being correct" or performing well. This is where "getting out of the way" for Spirit to lead matters. Turn your sense of needing to be in control with all the answers over to going beyond your need to "be the authority" -and instead align your awareness to Spirit's direction and be a collaborator with Spirit. Allow Spirit to draw from your well exactly what is needed and perfect for the client's highest good. Trust that the client has sought you out because Spirit has guided them to choose you due to what you have in store deep in your well of healer's resources and that Spirit knows best how to bring forward exactly what benefits the client.
3. Trust the process - everything is "enough" and perfect.
Another place that Ego shows up is in evaluating sessions. Performance worry: "was I good enough?" "did I say/do the right thing?" "the client didn't respond they way I expected" is a plague of concern the Ego loves to dig up and turn over. I've had sessions where clients didn't seem to be responding or experiencing what I expected and I questioned my contribution to the session afterwords. Did I leak my own issues, was I not fully present, did I miss a cue or signal, did I have an agenda for the client's healing? Only to receive an email from the client praising my work and eagerly requesting another session! I have to remind myself that the session involves two people perceiving the moment, each with their own perspective and set of challenges. Its normal to want to do well in serving others and its normal to want to improve, refine, and elevate one's healing practice. What is detrimental is when this examination turns overly critical and judgmental without due reason -which results in being overly concerned about how one shows up as a healer.
The healer's challenge is to get out of the way while the clients challenge is to open to as much "healing," integrating, releasing and acceptance as possible. The more each can fulfill their challenge the more benefit and satisfaction result from the process. Both of these challenges are beyond the responsibility of the other -its not the client's responsibility that the healer "shows up and gets out of the way" and its not the healer's responsibility to 'pry-open' the client so he/she gets the maximum dose of "healing" coming their way! Principles #1 and #2 not withstanding, trusting that the process is enough and perfect allows the healer to continue serving without being overly critical towards oneself or with other healers.
Sunyata Satchitananda
Daka, Sacred Intimate, Certified Tantric Healer, Certified Reiki Master
See: www.mythiclove.net/sunyata
