I have been a single woman since my divorce in 1986. Chronologically, I am fifty years old. Creatively speaking, I am ageless. I have enjoyed sexual relationships with men that number in the hundreds. Some of them have been as short as ten minutes; like when I met a man while browsing books in a well known bookstore. We felt this sudden, strong attraction, turned to one another and, like magnets, our lips were drawn together. It was a magical moment.

Many others have consisted of an evening out to dinner, followed by being together to satisfy mutual needs. Brief and intense encounters became especially plentiful when I ventured into touch therapy as a profession. Now, I feel very fortunate to be sharing my recent years, and hopefully many future ones, with a partner that I am destined to travel with together on further erotic adventures.

My spa services business had evolved into the role of a courtesan. I simply wanted to have a lot of sex; and men were only too happy to oblige me. The fact that I would be given money to do so was just an incredibly perfect arrangement! Even the aforementioned legal encounter in the form of an undercover investigation, leading to an arrest for prostitution, did not deter me. I felt strongly that I had the right to receive money for the time and love that I was giving to others.

I understood that these activities can be associated with sex trafficking and drug abuse; but also that there are exceptions. And I was one of them. The law simply could not make room for those of us who enjoyed making a living in this gray area. This was a time of transition for me and my judgment was questionable. I made no attempt to stay “under the radar”. It was only when I met my beloved and our relationship began, that I started to feel more grounded and was ready to face the full extent of my reality. Two issues were paramount. One was that this lifestyle had serious ramifications unless I was vigilant about my health, my safety and steering clear of further legal actions. The second was that in all honesty, I was really doing this to satisfy my own sexual fantasies, and the lust that they generated.

Influenced by my budding relationship and my additional research into tantra, I began to feel a conviction to practice as a healer and keep my integrity intact. And for me, that meant serving humanity through a different prism of erotica. It had to be an approach that would not be based on my lust. It would not be focused on the genitals alone. As time went on I began to rein in my sexual boundaries. I omitted all sex acts except for lingam and prostate massages. Last April I experienced a spiritual epiphany, and realized that I would be a more effective teacher of tantra if I eliminated genital touch completely. I realized that by offering genital massage as a culminating act, I was actually encouraging the ego to get involved in the ritual.

The essence of tantra is to induce an erotic trance, so that the ego is quieted. Once the client has experienced the various states of arousal that arise from my ministrations that include silk scarves, heated rocks and towels, and deliberate loving touch, they can absorb the experience by being still. A genital massage, instead, awakens them from this place and so the healing benefits are greatly reduced.

When I share tantra with a visitor, I do so in a ritual that is heart-based. Arousal is encouraged and it is honored by connecting it visually to the heart. Through my creative interpretations of tantra, my seekers are transported to a place of timeless bliss. As they experience this connection, so do I. This is the act of making love happen. It is a simple ripple of affection devoted to the universe. It fosters serenity, peacefulness and a quiet state of being. In other words, it takes us out of the day-to-day struggle of the external reality. This outlook remains long after the ritual is over.

A client describes their experience of this state:

My experience in the encounter with this particular seeker was both extraordinary and typical. From the very start of the journey, consisting of breath work to slow down our minds, and visualization designed to open and expand our hearts and entire beings, we ignite the process of going within. From there, the seeker is lead to my altar, a massage table illuminated from below with miniature strings of light. As I begin to stroke the person’s body before me with love and tenderness, I continue to connect strongly with their divine presence which I can sense in my heart. It is immensely loving and gracious. It brings with it a force of energy that is shared with my seeker. It is joy. It is love. It is acceptance. It is forgiveness. It is appreciation. It is all of the feelings that the seeker expressed above. Why would they be any different? We have become one. We both experience a heightened sense of sexual arousal at various times during the journey. When the end of the journey is at hand, the seeker is shrouded in cotton linens so he can absorb the healing at a cellular level. In this phase it becomes apparent that tantra is indeed a form of yoga and meditation. The benefits are cumulative and last longer than the journey itself.